Scattered Thoughts: It’s Just Pretend
With apologies to fake Steve Jobs …
We present fake Adam Clayton’s blog from Cannes:
The Edge was worried we wouldn’t have enough gear set up at the top of the Palais steps for our big Cannes U23D pre-show performance. I told him it was just two songs, we wouldn’t need the whole space station plugged in. He wasn’t sure. I told him he was a genius and not to worry, it would be fine. Secretly, I added an extra guitar track on one of his effects. It popped up when we started playing Vertigo and sounded all wacky. It was okay, I knew Edge could handle it.
Larry was upset that we ran out of hair gel. We only brought two bottles, and apparently Larry needs three. There was a stray hair he thought might pop out over one of his ears. I told him he looked great and it would be fine. Secretly, I’m glad my silver fox head of hair is natural and I don’t need product.
Bono was worried he looked “not thin.” He thought the people on the Internet might notice and make fun of him. I told Bono that was silly. People aren’t that judgmental and shallow. Especially not U2 fans and especially not on the Internet! Secretly, I hope Bono has never read the Internet.
I wore a horizontal striped T-shirt to distract the viewers from Bono. Edge didn’t want to wear a T-shirt. Larry and Bono said he had to, because “It’s rock ‘n’ roll.” But Edge is a Doctor now, so he decided to go go with a button down. I let them squabble. Secretly, I am secure in knowing that I look naturally stylish no matter what I wear.
Bono asked if there would be hot chicks near the top of the Palais steps in case he needed to kiss someone during a song. Edge said no, it would just be us and Sam and Dallas. I suggested maybe Bono could kiss a lady photographer if he got desperate. He did. Secretly, I’m glad I don’t need constant female attention to feel secure in my awesomeness.
Anyway, it went well. Bono didn’t fall down the stairs. Everyone loves the movie. Plus, there’s tea.
Click here to view U2’s performance of Vertigo and Where the Streets Have No name live from Cannes.
— This post brought to you by Scatter O’ Light.
Arden said,
May 23, 2007 @ 9:45 am
So COOL! I was wondering about his bed-head look now I know it’s because Larry used all the gel.
Sherry said,
May 23, 2007 @ 11:43 am
Did anyone else find it interesting that Bono’s jacket sported a ZooTV icon on the sleeve? I was feeling the whole John Lennon thing with the peace symbol and rounded colored glasses…just seemed like the TV with the Interference design seemed a little out of place.
Bajagirl said,
May 23, 2007 @ 1:42 pm
LMAO, hope to see more of this blog. Funny stuff :o)
Silvrlvr said,
May 23, 2007 @ 3:40 pm
Fake Adam is everything I’ve always expected him to be. I wonder if Fake Edge is as smart as he looks, too.
nyjlm said,
May 23, 2007 @ 6:48 pm
ha! love this.
mkfg said,
May 25, 2007 @ 1:44 pm
A much needed giggle. Thanks. I’d love to hear Fake Larry’s side of things. Secretly, I think Fake Larry hates everyone.
Anthony said,
May 28, 2007 @ 2:41 pm
lmao i’ve never known a band with such a good sense of humor!!!
the movies ganna be great!
iren33 said,
May 31, 2007 @ 4:50 am
“Bono asked if there would be hot chicks near the top of the Palais steps in case he needed to kiss someone during a song. Edge said no, it would just be us and Sam and Dallas. I suggested maybe Bono could kiss a lady photographer if he got desperate. He did. Secretly, I’m glad I don’t need constant female attention to feel secure in my awesomeness.”
Lol,it is funny!Thanks!
Sylvia said,
October 8, 2007 @ 7:53 am
Very funny! Looking forward to the fake blogs of the other band members.