In my opinion, these are some of the worst one-line lyrics in U2’s discography (in no order)
1) I’ll do the maximum time for you tonight (Love You Like Mad)
2) The air is heavy, heavy like a truck (Electrical Storm)
3) Grace, it’s the name for a girl (Grace)
What other one-line lyrics would you add to this list?
So I was singing along to U2 one day and as can happen to me when I’m in one of those moods, I decided to start singing my own lyrics to the song that was on. Sometimes these efforts flow and sometimes they don’t, but this one seemed to take off.
We know that Bono can create his own lyrics during live performances at times. He tends to weave in either current events or something having to do with the location that the band is playing at.
With it being summer time in the Northern Hemisphere, there are plenty of picnics going on. Imagine Bono and the boys playing at your family picnic. Seeking to make this picnic even more of a special day, Bono ad-libs new lyrics to Love and Peace…just for you.
I invite you to put on the song now, picture yourself at your picnic and sing along with Bono:
Lays chips
Lays chips
Lay the salt and pepper near the dip
Leave your pudding in the pack
We’re gonna eat, not gonna snack
Yes we are…
Lay down your knife
Lay down your fork
Let’s use our hands
To eat that pork
As you enter this meal
I pray you depart
With an apple dumpling
And a strawberry tart
I don’t know if I can take it
It’s not easy on my jeans
Here’s my zipper you can’t break it
I need some release, release, release
We need
Ham and Cheese
Ham and Cheese
Lay down
Lay on the couch
You had too much to eat
And now you say ouch
I don’t know if I can make it
I’m not easy on my jeans
Where’s the loo, I can’t take it
Had too much baked beans, baked beans, baked beans
I ate
Ham and cheese
Ham and cheese
Baby don’t fight
We can talk this through
There’s more than enough
Have some Irish Stew
You can cook or I’ll phone
Take aways are fine
But all of this waiting
Just makes me want to dine
I’m about to dig in
And I wonder can I get hold of?
Is it all I talk of?
I feel deprived of…
Gotta get more of…
Ham and cheese
With apologies to fake Steve Jobs …
We present fake Adam Clayton’s blog from Cannes:
The Edge was worried we wouldn’t have enough gear set up at the top of the Palais steps for our big Cannes U23D pre-show performance. I told him it was just two songs, we wouldn’t need the whole space station plugged in. He wasn’t sure. I told him he was a genius and not to worry, it would be fine. Secretly, I added an extra guitar track on one of his effects. It popped up when we started playing Vertigo and sounded all wacky. It was okay, I knew Edge could handle it.
Larry was upset that we ran out of hair gel. We only brought two bottles, and apparently Larry needs three. There was a stray hair he thought might pop out over one of his ears. I told him he looked great and it would be fine. Secretly, I’m glad my silver fox head of hair is natural and I don’t need product.
Bono was worried he looked “not thin.” He thought the people on the Internet might notice and make fun of him. I told Bono that was silly. People aren’t that judgmental and shallow. Especially not U2 fans and especially not on the Internet! Secretly, I hope Bono has never read the Internet.
I wore a horizontal striped T-shirt to distract the viewers from Bono. Edge didn’t want to wear a T-shirt. Larry and Bono said he had to, because “It’s rock ‘n’ roll.” But Edge is a Doctor now, so he decided to go go with a button down. I let them squabble. Secretly, I am secure in knowing that I look naturally stylish no matter what I wear.
Bono asked if there would be hot chicks near the top of the Palais steps in case he needed to kiss someone during a song. Edge said no, it would just be us and Sam and Dallas. I suggested maybe Bono could kiss a lady photographer if he got desperate. He did. Secretly, I’m glad I don’t need constant female attention to feel secure in my awesomeness.
Anyway, it went well. Bono didn’t fall down the stairs. Everyone loves the movie. Plus, there’s tea.
Click here to view U2’s performance of Vertigo and Where the Streets Have No name live from Cannes.
— This post brought to you by Scatter O’ Light.
Timed to coincide with Bono’s latest appearance at the World Economic Forum, Richard Tomlinson and Fergal O’Brien have published one of the all-time hatchet jobs in the now yawn-inducing Bono-is-ultra-rich-yet-wants-everyone-to-give-away-their-money-while-not-
talking-about-how-much-money-he-gives-away theme of profiles we’ve seen so often in recent years.
The article says nothing new, and frankly isn’t worth the time it took them to research and write it. It’s also not worth the time I’m about to spend in reply, but I won’t lose any sleep over a few lost minutes. So, here goes…..
Bono, Who Preaches Charity, Profits From Buyouts, Tax Breaks
The headline already tells you where this one is going. Actually, it tells you where it’s coming from: How dare someone preach charity and make money at the same time! You could replace the name “Bono” with almost anyone else who’s trying to do something good with the world, like Gates or Buffett.
“One,” a song about a love affair gone sour
Not really, but we’ll overlook the lack of lyrical awareness.
While Bono was making his appeal, U2 was racking up $389 million in gross ticket receipts
Here we go again with that same myopic attitude from the headline, the one where it’s not okay to make money and still care about the less fortunate.
Revenue from the Vertigo tour is funneled through companies that are mostly registered in Ireland and structured to minimize taxes.
Every smart business on earth tries to minimize taxes. Every smart individual, too. I make sure to take advantage of every deduction the law allows. I’m guessing the authors do, too.
“Bono’s campaigns reflect a great amount of concerns that U2’s audience also has, such as AIDS and malaria in Africa, and that can’t help but have a beneficial effect on record sales,”
In other words, U2 fans are a bunch of sheep that will buy anything the band sells us because we believe what the Great Leader says and does.
Bono declined to be interviewed for this article.
The Great Leader is wise.
a special RED line of clothing, cell phones and other merchandise and donating 40 percent of the profit they make
Actually, different companies are donating different percentages, but let’s not let a little research get in the way of a good story.
Bono’s own dealings haven’t always followed the altruistic ideals he espouses, says Richard Murphy, a Downham Market, U.K.- based adviser to the Tax Justice Network, an international lobbying group.
And Mr. Murphy is actually privy to the details of “Bono’s own dealings”?
Murphy points to the band’s decision to move its music publishing company to the Netherlands from Ireland in June 2006 in order to minimize taxes.
PR-wise, perhaps not the best move. But minimizing taxes is completely within the law. It’s no different than me taking advantage of the U.S. tax breaks that are afforded to a married couple with two kids.
“This is somebody who’s exceptionally rich taking the opportunity to shift his tax burden to somebody else, but then asking governments around the world to spend that tax take in the way that he would like,” Murphy says.
This is somebody who’s spent the past 8-9 years of his life trying to do something for people who would otherwise be ignored.
U2’s move to the Netherlands is wrong, says Dick Molenaar, senior partner at All Arts Tax Advisers, a Rotterdam-based tax consulting firm for artists and musicians. “Everybody needs to pay his fair share of taxation to the government, and therefore we have roads and education and everything,” he says.
U2 pays more than its fair share of taxes, Dick. And since when is a tax rate hike from 0% to 42% called a “fair share”?
Bono’s empire encompasses real estate, private-equity investments, a hotel, a clothing line and a chain of restaurants.
LOL! Norman Hewson’s eateries aren’t about to challenge McDonald’s anytime soon…..
In addition, Bono shares three homes with his wife and four children,
He actually owns more than that and … get this … he pays taxes on all of them!
Elevation’s first investment was a stake in two computer game companies, Edmonton, Canada-based BioWare Corp. and Los Angeles-based Pandemic Studios LLC. BioWare makes a war game called “Destroy All Humans 2.” Pandemic’s catalog includes a war game called “Mercenaries 2: World in Flames,”depicting a mercenary invasion of Venezuela.
And did you know that if you play “With or Without You” backwards, you hear satanic messages?
While Bono promotes charitable causes, he doesn’t disclose whether he personally gives any money to them and, if so, how much. These include Amnesty International, the Burma Campaign U.K., DATA, which stands for Debt, AIDS, Trade and Africa, the environmental group Greenpeace and ONE.
Again, just a little research would’ve helped with this paragraph. U2’s policy is to not reveal the donations it makes. This goes all the way back, long before they were super rich. Jack Healey told us about the “very nice” donation U2 made to Amnesty International way back in 1984, and how the band demanded that the donation not be revealed. And just last year, we learned that U2 made a “sizeable donation” to Careflight in Australia, as thanks for a 20-minute helicopter ride to the Queensland Sports and Athletic Centre. And you can be sure there’ve been dozens more quiet donations — both from the band and from the individuals — over the years.
Whether or not Bono gives money himself is immaterial to ONE
And should be immaterial to all of us. It’s none of our business, even if our job title includes the words “reporter” or “writer.”
Bono has not said how much, if any, of his money he gives to DATA, of which he is a board member.
….
Bono doesn’t invest his own money in RED
As the Great Leader has said, it would be a lot easier to write a check and be done with it. It costs a lot more to give your time for almost a decade now.
Bono’s public charitable activities date to 1985, when the band performed at the Live Aid concert in London
If you want to get technical about it, the charitable activities date to 1978, when U2 did a benefit show for the “Contraception Action Campaign” and another benefit for a group called “Rock Against Sexism.” But let’s not split hairs….
The details of U2’s money making are out of public view
Which is right where they belong.
When he’s not touring or lobbying for charities, Bono spends time on his investments. “He gets more out of a week than most people get out of a month,”McGuinness says. “It’s hard to keep up with him at times.”
I’m 99.9% certain that Paul McG.’s quote was about Bono’s crazy schedule, not about how much time he spends “on his investments.” Sloppy and irresponsible journalism…..
Bono has an undisclosed stake in Nude, a chain of three Dublin cafes founded in 1999 by his elder brother, Norman. Business is brisk at the Nude cafe on downtown Dublin’s Suffolk Street on a Friday in December.
When you add in that last sentence, it’s like you’re saying … “Bono is making money from these people eating food. Tsk-tsk.”
It will be just one more landmark in Bono’s burgeoning capitalist empire.
Oh, please.
For the full set of photos from today, visit our @U2 flickr page.
Reports from the NYC Book signing provided by @U2’s resident photographer, Phil (via cellphone)
6:30: Still on way home, but uploaded photos to the @U2 flickr site. Overall, it was a fun day. A friend of mine who won his wristband graciously offered to let me tag along for the long drive to and from NYC. Chatting with some people in line, they said that while most of the fans were in good spirits, there were a group of people who did join the line who threatened fights if they didn’t get in, and after watching the line finish after the book signing, these were the same people who were handing their signed copies of books to a guy standing near an elevator on the first floor. At one point, he had 2 bags of books already collected, paying the people off $100 per book. Expect to see them on eBay very soon. At least there were only about a dozen of those people out of the 250 who were in line.
One book was signed on behalf of the African Well Fund (generously donated by a fan who was in line) and will be made available during their next “Build a Well for Bono’s Birthday” campaign next year. Bono even signed it acknowledging the AWF.
Bono took the time to make drawings in the books, and on the whole, he and Edge were quite engaging in conversation. Good thing they were last at the table.
Congratulations to everyone who’s dreams were realized. It was fun covering it for @U2.
2:15: Larry, Adam, Bono and Edge make their way to see everyone. Those in line were chanting “U2…U2…U2″ as they were waiting, and then started yelling and screaming once the band became in view. Photogs shot for about 10 minutes, and then the line started moving. Signing should take about 2 hours given the long line. Also present were Paul McGuinnes, Dennis Sheehan and many from Principle Management. Photos and fan perspective to come later today. Watch all the major entertainment and news shows tonight and tomorrow for video coverage.
2:05: Band is in building, not able to be seen. Apparently, they are doing special meet/greets and interviews for national media in an adjacent room. From hearing chatter in line, it appears that there’s at least a dozen or so people who will be putting their signed books on eBay. Chatter among others in line is along the lines of disappointment that people would blatantly do that. What are you gonna do - it stinks it’s happening, but can’t stop it.
1:17: Fashionably late…no sign of band…at least everyone’s where they need to be…everyone…everyone…every one. (couldn’t resist)
12:50: Five minutes to go before the band arrives (can someone start up Arcade Fire?)
10:40 a.m.: The scene outside the Barnes and Noble’s in Union Square is a peaceful one as everyone who needed to go inside has since gone inside. In all, there are 250 wristbands that have been given out: 150 to U2.com members, and 100 to the first ones who queued up overnight. If you were number 101, sorry - you didn’t get in. As a result, there’s only 5 people (give or take) waiting outside with the hopes of seeing the band as they arrive - or perhaps being allowed in at the last minute should some of the U2.com winners not show up. Seems odd - the crowd was far bigger, but unlike in other cities, when the Barnes & Nobles people said “sorry - no more bands,” people just left - what’s up with that? Perhaps they’ll come back after getting some food or sitting on a soft seat (that pavement is quite hard). I dunno - seemed odd.
People were given bracelets and green cards with numbers on them to indicate where in line you’d be. The signing is taking place on the 4th floor of the bookstore, and customers are allowed inside the bookstore, but not allowed to the 4th floor.
Security can be found throughout the building, as well as outside the building. There are signs on the doors of the bookstore stating that all bags, cameras and cellphones must be handed to a Barnes & Noble staff member prior to entering the area. Photos are allowed to be taken from the floor, but cameras and cellphones must be handed to a Barnes & Noble staff member prior to going on the stage when you get the book signed. The authors will not be available to pose for photographs.
Also seen on the streets of New York City: people walking around in U2 by U2 promotional tshirts.
More info as it comes along….
This list of Chuck Norris-style facts is making the rounds and was sent to me by @U2’s Marylinn Maione. The following facts were edited by me–I thought they were funniest.
Note: if one of you came up with this, good job, and if you know who wrote this, could you send that person my way? I wish I would have thought of it! Cartoon possiblities abound. 
Larry Mullen Jr does not play drums, he beats them.
The real reason Larry couldn’t be the leader of the band was his 17 different kinds of awesome caused fans’ heads to explode during concerts. To balance out the situation the lamest was selected.
Larry Mullen Jr CHOOSES when to grow wrinkles.
Larry Mullen Jr’s body naturally produces his own styling gel.
Once at a press conference, Larry Mullen Jr. was asked what he thought about drum machines. There were no survivors.
Larry Mullen Jr does not run. Instead the ground beneath his feet rotates faster.
Larry Mullen Jr’s rhythm keeps the rotation of the Solar System in balance.
Larry Mullen Jr does not need to adjust for tempo. Time adjusts itself out of fear.
Larry Mullen Jr owns Norway.
When asked why he never gets to solo Larry Mullen Jr replied “I don’t want to shatter your perception of reality.”
When Larry Mullen Jr gets drunk he actually gains braincells.
Larry Mullen Jr once met Chuck Norris and it was declared a “draw.”
When the Grim Reaper dies Larry Mullen Jr. will come to collect him.
Larry Mullen Jr has two settings. Drum, and be annoyed at Bono.
NATO made Larry Mullen Jr grow his hair to produce air drag to slow him down. Be glad it does.
Larry Mullen Jr’s *glare* cannot be photographed by man-made cameras.
The British retain possession of Northern Ireland only because Larry Mullen Jr. lets them.
Larry Mullen Jr’s heart is a smallblock V8 engine.
Larry Mullen Jr. will never die. The only way he can die is if you kill him. Larry Mullen Jr. would like to see you try.
Larry Mullen Jr challenges statues to staring contests. The score so far?
LARRY MULLEN JR - 1,345,147
STATUES - 0
