Larry Mullen Jr. Facts!

This list of Chuck Norris-style facts is making the rounds and was sent to me by @U2’s Marylinn Maione. The following facts were edited by me-I thought they were funniest.

Note: if one of you came up with this, good job, and if you know who wrote this, could you send that person my way? I wish I would have thought of it! Cartoon possiblities abound.

Larry art Larry Mullen Jr does not play drums, he beats them.
The real reason Larry couldn’t be the leader of the band was his 17 different kinds of awesome caused fans’ heads to explode during concerts. To balance out the situation the lamest was selected.
Larry Mullen Jr CHOOSES when to grow wrinkles.
Larry Mullen Jr’s body naturally produces his own styling gel.
Once at a press conference, Larry Mullen Jr. was asked what he thought about drum machines. There were no survivors.
Larry Mullen Jr does not run. Instead the ground beneath his feet rotates faster.
Larry Mullen Jr’s rhythm keeps the rotation of the Solar System in balance.
Larry Mullen Jr does not need to adjust for tempo. Time adjusts itself out of fear.
Larry Mullen Jr owns Norway.
When asked why he never gets to solo Larry Mullen Jr replied “I don’t want to shatter your perception of reality.”
When Larry Mullen Jr gets drunk he actually gains braincells.
Larry Mullen Jr once met Chuck Norris and it was declared a “draw.”
When the Grim Reaper dies Larry Mullen Jr. will come to collect him.
Larry Mullen Jr has two settings. Drum, and be annoyed at Bono.
NATO made Larry Mullen Jr grow his hair to produce air drag to slow him down. Be glad it does.
Larry Mullen Jr’s *glare* cannot be photographed by man-made cameras.
The British retain possession of Northern Ireland only because Larry Mullen Jr. lets them.
Larry Mullen Jr’s heart is a smallblock V8 engine.
Larry Mullen Jr. will never die. The only way he can die is if you kill him. Larry Mullen Jr. would like to see you try.
Larry Mullen Jr challenges statues to staring contests. The score so far?
LARRY MULLEN JR - 1,345,147
STATUES - 0